Chapter One, in which I fight the angry plumbing gods

This weekend I discovered my newest superpower: I can melt metal with my mere touch!

I discovered this wonderful talent on Sunday afternoon, as I was cooking for a dinner party. I reached under the sink, where I keep the plastic wrap, gently brushing the drain pipes as I did. Suddenly, a torrent of water started pouring out of the drain elbow. Wait, what is that? Is that a HUGE HOLE in the pipe? But I barely touched it!

Yes, I managed to provide the proverbial last straw: My gentle hand-graze collapsed what was likely a long-rusting portion of the drain. And of course it all happened when I had guests coming and the sink would be in constant use!

So I quickly taped up the pipe as best I could and the next day headed off to the hardware store.

Returning with my nice long brass waste elbow, I hooked it up, and noticed that it was an inch short. Lesson number one: Never guess at the hardware store. Sure, I had measured, but I should have taken the pipe off and brought it with me.

Then, in trying to make the new pipe work temporarily, I somehow managed to punch a hole in the next elbow, which, apparently, was rusted worse than the first. Seems I was just making my way down the line, creating plumbing disasters as I went. Of course, it was Monday evening―a holiday―after the hardware stores were closed. Which brings me to lesson number two: Never start a plumbing project (or an electrical one, for that matter) after the stores have closed.

Last night I picked up another pipe and set to work. Now I have a lovely new drain, and I even corrected the pitch of the pipes so they actually head downhill. But what a comedy of errors. I may have been cursed, but I emerged victorious!!